There is a scourge that is ravishing our cities all across the country. It affects everyone, from the youngest to the oldest. And it goes unchecked yearly, with thousands of casualties. Most people don’t even know they have it.

I am, of course, talking about the tragic neglect of thousands of adverbs.

Bah! Had you going there, didn’t I? Ha! But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my job, it’s that adverbs are in some serious need of major help to be integrated back into our vocabulary from an early age. The tragic fact is, however, we simply don’t know how to use or define adverbs

Before you close the window because I’m suddenly going all Grammar Freak over here, let me explain.

Think back to that “Lolly Lolly Adverbs” song from School House Rock. Yeah, we all know it. But tell me where they actually say what an adverb is. Oh, they use them all over the place, but it wasn’t until much, MUCH later that I actually figured out what adverbs were. And I’m talking even through most of high school.

strangle

Do you know how frustrating that realization is?? I don’t know about you guys, but I had a pretty good education, and I’m sure that not a single teacher EVER adequately explained what an adverb is. They just sort of assumed we’d be able to use them properly if we heard them enough, I suppose.

grossed out prince

In my job, I have to watch footage of television shows and sometimes write down what they say in interviews. It isn’t until one has to do that that one realizes (especially a Grammar Freak like me) just how many things we say in vernacular that are really ridiculously . . . what’s the word? Uneducated.

shrug

Maybe that sounds extremely high brow of me. Maybe I should put it in a less harsh way. But I’m not going to sit here and say everyone should use words with more than five letters, either. For flip’s sake, I love swearing and cutting off consonants at the ends of words as much as the next guy.

No, in fact, those things I’m totally on board with. I can even tolerate the incorrect uses of pluralization and singular that runs rampantly through our language. But there is one thing that drives me crazier than even the dipshit questions the interviewers ask the characters on these shows. THE NEGLECT TO USE ADVERBS.

fuck this shit loki

And this may be more subjective than usual, but I think we need to make sure we sit our kids down and teach them what exactly adverbs are and why they are so important. Ok, so maybe I’m alone in this, but it DRIVES ME CRAZY!!

zoidberg flip out

Take my opinion for what it’s worth, because I am fully aware this is even more of a nitpick than my usual diatribes here. And maybe this makes me one of those “insufferable Grammar Freaks on the internet,” but oh well. I’m really just on a full ramble-fest on here and you people are still reading, so I must be doing something right XD

Oh, and happy Thanksgiving, by the way.

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4 thoughts on “A PSA Announcement From Your Neighborhood Spazz

    1. Haha! It was all part of my clever plan! Because now you’re curious arent you? I’ll probably do a follow-up, but I didn’t want to make the post too long since I may or may not have been writing it at work 😛 Shhhh

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