E-Card Wednesday


A Review: Maleficent

kuzco dance

I’m back, baby! Here with more of the wit and whatever you all come around here for!


So, I finally got around to seeing this movie this week, and I have to say, it was better than I expected.

subtle thumbs up

I mean, it still wasn’t great, being a Disney film and all, but that may or may not be my personal bias coming through. . . . But I was expecting something more along the lines of Oz: The Great and Powerful, which was aaawwwfuuullll!!!! Oh my god, it’s so bad, you should watch it just to see how bad it is.

Anyway, I remember being excited about this movie when I first heard of it (all the way back in May? Jesus . . .), because Maleficent is my favorite classic Disney villain and I actually harbored an idea of doing something kind of like this at one point years ago. Obviously, it didn’t go through or this movie would have been soooooo much better. (Ha ha not really I can’t write screenplays to save my life)

unimpressed cat

Anyway, I’m not even sure I need to explain the plot or warn about spoilers, because

a.) it’s been out



and b.) COME ON! Everyone knew the plot of this movie on literally the day it was released. It’s so predictable it makes Frozen look like it had the plot twist of the century (And on a side note that I should probably mention in my Frozen review, after many, many months and a couple more viewings, I find Frozen insipid and shallow).

So instead of my usual thing of describing the plot in sarcastic detail, I’m just going to go over what I liked about the movie after talking a little about what was lame.

First of all, it’s a Disney movie.

not interested

That means it’s inherently cheesy with a plot so shallow I wouldn’t get my feet wet standing in it.

My biggest peeve with this movie is that they crammed way too many plot points in a movie in which they were already rewriting the entire plot of the animated movie before it. What that ended up doing was making it a little . . . uh . . . janky? wonky? clipped. Yeah, that’s the word. Plot points flew by like popcorn.

grossed out prince

And the characters that weren’t Maleficent or the crow who’s name escapes me and I should look it up weren’t really developed. Like, at all. Or they were just annoying (I’m looking at you, Umbridge fairy and friends). There was one character, the main antagonist, I would tentatively call him, who I thought was played by Robert Carlyle, which I thought was hilarious until I learned that it wasn’t him, just some guy who looks and sounds a lot like him. And for some reason, everyone was British . . . because America is Britain’s biggest fangirl.

incredulous glance2

Weirdly enough, though, I didn’t find it as annoying as I could have. Maybe it’s just because I like Maleficent as a character, even if they rewrote her Wicked style, or maybe it’s because there was actual genuine moments of laughter and some genuine “Aww” things here and there. Or maybe I just really like Angelina Jolie’s acting.

And the best part of the movie was the visuals. I think I remember vaguely that being said in the reviews I read at the time it came out, and it’s true. I think that’s where all the budget goes in a lot of films these days especially Disney . It certainly doesn’t go to the screenplay.


There were definitely multiple “Who wrote that line?!” moments.

Overall, though, I recommend it. I would maybe even think of going to see it again. I liked the characters, the setting, even the story, which is more than I can say for Frozen or any of its dipshit bretheren of the last three years.

So, take my opinion for what it’s worth, which is obviously the best opinion, since you’re still reading.

godzilla sunglasses

But Maleficent is actually full of heart, humor, glam, and special effects that are fun to look at.