Alright, so, I realize I’ve been rather silent for a while, readers, with only the E-Card Wednesdays in my absence, but I have reasons. Partly, I’ve been swamped by school work for the last couple of weeks, and then we had Fall Break, in which I did nothing but sleep and work on more work. This semester sucks.


But anyway, I’m back and shenanigans are afoot! This time they involve . . . pie.

Unlike Dean Winchester, I’m not a huge fan of pie. But I went out fruit picking with my friends and we came home with two loaded boxes of grapes and apples. So, which one did I make the pie with? That’s right. Grapes. Stupid idiot.

extremely awkward moment

Soooo, that’s probably my first mistake. In my defense, we had three quarts of the things taking up space in our freezer, which is often a problem in this house. It happens when there are six people all trying to eat on a budget and Luther College can’t quite grasp that concept . . . . Anyway, I was trolling through browsing Pinterest, which is how I occupy 95% of my spare time these days, and came across a recipe for grape pie. Now, I like grapes. A lot. And we had so many, I thought “Great! This will be tasty and I can use up most of the grapes in the freezer!” and quickly copied the recipe to a note on my phone, not being on my computer at the time and it being in a long blog post I didn’t want to scroll through again. Which was my second mistake. There are a couple of things on the recipe that I’m preettyyy suurree were explained in the blog post that I didn’t have.

Oh well.

The process involved peeling the grapes and then boiling them and sending them through a strainer to get the seeds out. Well, being in college with minimal storage, we don’t have a strainer! I’m not even sure what that is. So guess what we had to do? Seed the grapes by hand. And that’s where things started really going downhill because . . . I needed 4 cups of grapes. Needless to say, but the third hour, we were all like


And let me tell you, that shit stains your fingers like nobody’s business. It looks like I’m some kind of tobacco addict to the extreme, the way my fingers look. Yeesh! I forget that grapes are some of the worst stainers of the fruit family. I won’t forget now, will I?! It was made both better and worse by the fact that the grapes were frozen. It made the peeling process easier, especially when they started to melt and would just pop out of their skins like good little grapes, but by the end of the first hour, we couldn’t feel our fingers. Brrr! Not doing that again!

Finally, at around 11 o’clock, having started at 7, we had all the grapes peeled and seeded and I was ready to be done with the stupid pie making business, just needing to boils and simmer it for a few minutes and then mix it together with a flour and sugar combo to make the filling. I would have everything done by midnight at the latest! Hooray!

You felt the dramatic irony creeping up on me, didn’t you?

hello bruce

THE FILLING WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE THREE PIES!!! *sob* When I looked it the amount of filling I had when compared to my pie crust in my chintzy-ass tinfoil pie tin that I bought at Fareway for a buck, I basically just

ice cream

It was 11:30, I was halfway through a margarita with extra tequila which I should not ever drink, I had two more pie crusts to make, I was dangerously low on butter, and I was just like THIS HAD BETTER BE THE FUCKING BEST PIE I’VE EVER HAD OR I’M GOING TO STAB SOMEONE!!!! Probably Derek.

emotional twirling

I did it. Oh man, it was 1 o’clock by the time they were done, and I was worried, because the pies were still really jiggly when I put them in the fridge and freezer and forced my friend Derek to take one home. But today, they had set up and, though the crust is a little on the thick side (my crust rolling abilities extremely lacking, especially with the tequila’s help), it actually is one of the best damn pies I’ve ever tasted.


So, to end it all, here’s the recipe, for anyone who wants to go through their own crazy grape adventure.

Concord Grape Pie

Remember that the crust only makes 1 pie and the filling makes 3 pies


1 cup all-purpose flour

1/8 tsp. salt

1/3 cup butter

3 to 4 tablespoons cold water

1 1/2 pounds Concord Grapes (about 4 cups)
3/4 cup Sugar
1/3 cup All-purpose Flour
1/4 tsp. Salt
2 Tbsp. Butter, melted
1 Tbsp. Lemon juice
1/2 cup All-purpose Flour
1/2 cup Sugar
1/4 cup Butter
Line pie plate with crust and set aside. Remove skins from grapes (see note above), setting skins aside and place grape pulp into a nonreactive saucepan. Bring pulp to a boil, lower heat and simmer for 5 minutes. Pass through a strainer to remove all the seeds then add the skins back into the puree. In a large bowl combine sugar, flour and salt. Mix well then add the grape mixture and the butter. Mix well again then pour into prepared pie shell. Cover edges with foil to prevent over browning and bake in a preheated 375 degree oven for 20 minutes. Meanwhile make the crumb topping by mixing together the flour and sugar. Cut in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Remove the pie from the oven. Remove the foil edging and sprinkle crumb mixture over pie. Bake an additional 25 minutes or until the pie is bubbling and the crust is golden brown.

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